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“Gone, but not forgotten” may sound cliche, but reminiscing comforts us in ways that nothing else could dare to accomplish. Laughter and sorrow, memories of good times, keep us through all those lonely tomorrows. The reality of grief gnaws into every fiber of our beings, and if permitted, it would consume every ounce of our day. Someone said, “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve,” or is there?

 

Good Grief: 

Is there such a thing as ‘good grief’? I say, “Yes.” What about grief could possibly get construed as good? Well, is it not an element of the cycle of life? We all have a date with Death, right. Looking through a practical lens, if no ever expired, how would the earth contain us all? I know these basic facts have little to do with matters of the heart. Even though we know these truths to be self-evident, no one cares to hear this when a departed life is one of our own. It doesn’t even matter if we expect the life of our loved one to end. When that life breathes its last breath, we grieve. Life never embodies enough years, months, hours, days, minutes, or seconds for us to usher our loved ones into life beyond voluntarily. Our reasoning forsakes us momentarily. We must wrangle our psyche and emotions into harmony. We must accept that life as we knew it, with our loved one, has ceased. Let’s consider grief again. Let’s examine in what way our grief could harness a new perspective. Grief, by definition, emits suffering or loss or affliction or distress. With that said, how in the world could grief profit as good? 

 

Good grief doesn’t suggest a ‘haha’ or giddy moment, but rather, sober respect for what grief brings to our table. Although a forced invitation, grief bestows upon us the gift of mercy and forgiveness. In light of our loved one’s impending absence or the actual absence, we drop disagreements and tensions experienced. All our desires rest upon just another moment to love and embrace life–their life. Grief presses us to hold on to all those seemingly insignificant moments that would have ordinarily slipped away from us in the busyness of our days. Now, we rehearse those comings and going of our time together. Yes, we agonize over the absence of our loved ones’ physical presence, but we also begin to appreciate relationships with more care and consideration. 

 

Consequently, our grief produces some positive attributes–goodness. I know this may seem like a weird twist on the matter. If we begin to adopt this notion, the grief that served to destroy us would ultimately fortify us for a greater commission. Through our pain and suffering, we could comfort ourselves not only with memory but by reminding ourselves that this grief will produce good in our lives. Now, I recognize that this becomes easier said than done, but our goal is to thrive through each cycle of life. The strong face grief and refuse to allow it to suffocate the essence of life out of them.

Big Question: 

What becomes of unaddressed grief? Avoidance doesn’t promote health and wellbeing. These become the ones who take up practices to numb the pain of overwhelming loss. These become those who pull away from the ones they love to erect a barrier against feeling such intense sorrow ever again. These sorrowful souls become the people who lash out at others as a manifestation of their animosity and resentment against the people who’ve left them here on earth to journey on without them. 

 

How can we circumvent any of these scenarios? Swallow the hard truth. Death and loss, and grief make up the elements of the cycle of life. It’s unavoidable, so deal with it. Prepare for it. Refuse to let it destroy any life and relationships that we currently have left. Because of the inevitability of grief that lurks at every turn, build memories, live, love, laugh, forgive, and appreciate little things about our loved ones that join us on our journey, for one day, one of us will be no more.

 

Live Long and Prosper

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