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Falling in love while grieving: What do we do? What will become of us while suffocating beneath the weight of pain, anguish, and loss? Life will never again resemble our life before the love of our life got snatched away into eternity. Yet, amid the throes of sorrow, a sliver of light pierces our dismal darkness. Through some unforeseen circumstances, we find ourselves smitten by the attraction of another. We ponder, “What? No! How can this be? I’m still mourning the love of my life. This isn’t right.” Yet, we continue finding ourselves lost in thought, steadied by faint smiles whenever this new person crosses our mind. 


Falling In Love While Grieving: We’re Conflicted

How is it even possible to take an interest in someone other than our lost love? In their passing, we vow–never to love again. We surrender to undying devotion. Absolutely, no one will ever take their place in our lives. Yet, we’ve witnessed others who discovered love again and married or connected with a new love or kindled love with someone from their past. In our mind, we staunchly protest, “I can’t see myself with anyone else. I’ve experienced love for a lifetime. I’m not even thinking about any of that.” So, we make every effort to adjust to our new normal. Then somehow, without our permission, amidst the turbulent waters of grief, we intersect with a warm soul who brings out the laughter. We smile. We forget–momentarily–that we are grieving. It feels comforting. We feel alive again. 


Screech! Pump the breaks. What just happened? We scrutinize, “I can’t be interested in somebody else. No! OMG, but I think I am.” Is it possible? Falling in love while grieving: What do we do? We’re conflicted. Waves of accusation wash over us. Taunting us. If we felt real love, we wouldn’t have room to think about someone else in this loving way. Betrayal points its judgmental finger at us. How could we let this happen? Shame. In our defense, we declare, “I didn’t seek out this person. I spent my days, and nights, grieving. I wasn’t looking to get involved with anybody.” We do our best to avoid these emerging emotions. We may even resent its presence, but low and behold, we must come to terms with the sunshiny reality: Someone’s kryptonite of love, hope, and happiness overpowered the grief barrier. We’re conflicted by falling in love while grieving. What do we do?


Falling In Love While Grieving: We Embrace

Why do we struggle with these two converging realities? We loved one, and we love one. Why do we wrestle with feelings of disloyalty to the one who is no more? We offered complete allegiance to their living, but the Great Sovereign of eternal matters chose to summons our love into eternity, leaving us behind, leaving us to do what exactly? Not seeking to cause more pain, I won’t say more. However, I encourage us to contemplate how we must occupy life in the absence of our love. Back to the conundrum of our discussion: How do we connect this puzzling dilemma? Here’s the truth. Our love was real and lasting. Here’s another truth: Our new blossoming love is real and anticipate lasting. Why can’t both be true? Falling in love while grieving: What do we do? We embrace both.


Embrace the grief as it happens. Embrace the budding love as it happens. If we’re not scouting for a love interest to numb our pain and emptiness, but unexpected love shows up, probably, the engagement surfaced because you’ve been blessed to love again. Who knows, our loves loved us so much that they had a hand in sending a little sunshine into our lives by way of a new love to help us heal? We don’t know the end of our days, and we have no idea all that we shall encounter on our journey, but we hope for peace and joy and love along the way. 


So why do we reject such peace, joy, and love in the aftermath of losing the love of our life? We’ve already experienced it, and it doesn’t matter how many years we treasure with our loved ones: life is short. I encourage us all. Embrace healthy expressions of unexpected love. If that someone willingly walks with you through those ravaging valleys of grief and provides a safe haven of support while encouraging you to take baby steps into the sunshine, receive the gesture of compassion and hope.


Falling In Love While Grieving: Word to the Wise

Unfortunately, exploitive opportunists live among us. We call them wolves in sheep’s clothing. They stalk the vulnerable. Grieving people hold such a position, so discernment is essential, which becomes tricky because grief has compromised our emotional state. Our best line of defense–watch and pray.


A person who enters our lives, meaning goodwill, allows room for our emotional waves. They do their best to ride the wave with us. If they cannot do so, they give us space and warmly receive us back on the other side of our emotional crash. This person deposits kindness and happiness into our lives. We feel stronger and more at peace because of their input. 


It’s natural to want to give gifts as a token of gratitude for helping through bitter days. However, I caution: beware of those who glean from our benevolence but leave very little. They start by giving much, but somehow the tables shift, and we’re offering the most. Beware of those continually reminding us of how much they do for us–a strategy of an opportunist. Beware of those who hint or too often bring up conversations of what our love left us as an inheritance–a strategy of an exploiter. Remember: Watch and pray.


Falling In Love While Grieving: What Do We Do?

  • Be loyal to the memory of our loved ones
  • Be willing to live a full life because we’re still here
  • Be blessed by the opportunity to receive love
  • Be open to the prospect to love again
  • Be comfortable with hoping again
  • Be cautious of opportunists and exploiters
  • Be grateful for the new journey
  • Be able to grieve and, if the opportunity arises, be able to love interchangeably 


Read further to enjoy other informative readings at http://yourlaststory.com/blogs or https://www.joincake.com/blog/how-to-comfort-someone.


Live Long and Prosper




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