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Love lost a life interrupted, and the axis of our world ceases to spin. We gaze upon the shards that used to represent our broken lives. Now, we must gather these shattered pieces of our lives after the death of our loved ones and harness the strength to begin again. We make one wobbly uncertain step towards moving forward. We contemplate, “It’s too much. I can’t do this!”

 Despise not small beginnings–Thrive.

The Hard Truth

In our heads, we know what must be done, but it’s just too overwhelming to do what we know. Family and friends encourage us to take our time. There’s no prescribed time frame around how long we may grieve. No one tells us, “It’s been long enough. Now, get moving.” No, we don’t hear these messages from those who love and support us. Yet, there’s this nagging in the recesses of our subconscious reminding us that there’s more life ahead of us, even though we dare not face it. 

The Wrestling

Something inside beckons us forward. Something whispers, “Step into the light. You can do it.” Future calls out to us, “Yes, you’re hurting. But give it a go.” Despise not small beginnings–Thrive. Therein lies the problem. We vacillate between what we need to do and what we feel to do. The wrestling is all too real. In the words of my cousin, “Lisa, I know what I need to do to get moving. I know I’m not in a good place, but I can’t move from here. If I do, it’s admitting to the reality that my (name omitted) is gone. I just can’t accept it.” The mental calisthenics with the ups and downs of “I’m tired of feeling like this, but I’m too exhausted to do anything else but feel like I’m feeling” pins down even the strongest of us.

Small Steps–Small Beginnings

As a first step to beginning again, it’s necessary to experience or even embrace all the emotions accompanying our loss. It’s important to own that we have lost a love that no longer inhabits our tangible realm. Sometimes we go to every extent to avoid feeling, but it doesn’t work. This approach only has us staring face to face with loss for months or years down the road. Our behaviors may shift and take us back to our first encounter with this loss. The problem here: Family and friends may get confused about our abrupt behavior shifts. 

SUGGESTION:

Embrace the pain and the loss. Allow it to wash over us. Make no excuses for this process. Find safe places and people to pour out our hearts. It hurts, but we feel a little better after a good cry. One essential step for beginning again is to allow ourselves a good morning cry and then move forward through the day. It may seem that crying in the morning sets us up for a sorrowful day, but on the contrary, it frees us up for a brighter day. Our cry removes that bottled-up feeling from trying to cork our emotions. An intentional approach promotes a sense of control, which we may feel has eluded us, so shaping how we will grieve redirects the helplessness that comes over us.

Thriving

It may seem insignificant to take stock of what we have in our world. However, it’s so vital to our progress to seriously look at what remains. Our loss is a blaring reminder of that precious soul extracted from our realm. We can’t avoid it, and we can’t get around this reality. It is what it is. Ugh! Yet, we still have precious souls with us. Who are they? We can’t forget those family and friends who grieve in our loss too. Some of these people may not have known our loved ones, but they know us. They love and support us. They miss us–us before the loss.

 We despise not small beginnings–Thrive, we will.

Embracing our pain gets us to acknowledge our situation, but thriving calls us to take two more steps:

  • Take stock of what remains.
  • Take what remains to reveal more meaning and purpose. 

 We owe it to ourselves and our living loved ones to thrive. Since we love our passed-on loved ones so much, we are obligated to honor their lives through our continued living, not merely existing–but thriving. Whether we want it or not, we live for reasons beyond our comprehension. What shall we do now? How will we make meaning of what remains? Watch and pray. Listen to what draws our interests or taps on our hearts to get involved. Since we’re still among the living, there is living to do. Our purpose has more to fulfill, so beyond the intense pain, listen and watch and pray to see how what we have remaining ushers us into our new passion and purpose. 

Remember, despise not small beginnings–Thrive.

Feel free to read other articles on living beyond grief at yourlaststory.com/blogs and if you need some spiritual encouragement visit awidowsfight.org. Select Connections for two video clips full of uplifting encouragement.

Live Long and Prosper

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